You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
