Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
