I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
