I hate all girls vehemently.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
two words...techno handjob
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
