I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
