Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
