You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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