the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
