My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
