Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
