I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My vagina is officially offended.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dicks are not precious.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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