So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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