i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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