im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
