she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
