is your mom at the bar?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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