Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
