I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
