at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
