The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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