That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
