So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
