he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
