that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
