dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
