You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
only you would photoshop your dick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
