And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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