I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We need to get me chipped asap
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
