can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
