if you like me you must not know who I am
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
