I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
