no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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