rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My dick has a subreddit
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
