Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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