P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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