I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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