I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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