She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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