I wanna passion pit in your ass
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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