Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
