I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
