I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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