a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
