Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
