why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
