it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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