I can text with my tongue
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
