You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
