We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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