This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
